S#*@! That's Too Sweet!

by Shelile Gino Shelile








Login onto the SugarHoneyIceTea blog space, the first thing that hit me was the design of the page. I had not read a single article and already this was my favourite blog! Not to be biased or anything, but the creators of the blog knew exactly what they were doing and they did it well. The name of the blog is an acronym of the members' writing names (or profiles, rather): Sugar-Honey, Ice and Tea. Creativity unleashed. Having picked up my tongue from the floor and rearranged my jaw into position, after I dropped it at first sight of the blog, I managed to pull myself together and read some of the posts. Initial reaction: EDIT EDIT EDIT!! I understand that writers have artistic freedom, poetic licence and whatever other 'judicial' rights producers of literature are entitled to, however, that is no excuse to not spell-check your posts. Had it been an English exam, most of the contributors would have failed dismally! Moving away from the errors of grammar, I was particularly amused with the content of the posts. SugarHoneyIceTea really lives up to its name and reputation: it is 'da sh!t' (mind the German). This is Entertainment news at its best! Ice, specifically, writes with a unique style that I've termed: sweet cynicism. His posts ooze judgement, disapproval for anything not invented by himself and extreme opinion - all covered with flowery language and smothered in humour. With such characters as contributors, the blog cannot be anything but the sh!t (in a good way, of course).

Picnic @ the Bots

by Shelile Gino Shelile








So there I was feeling embarassed for thinking I was the only one who didn't have the slightest clue where the Rhodes Botanical Gardens were - after having spent almost a year at this institution. Imagine how relieved I was when my girlfriend told me she had never been there too. My friend Vuyo - who had discovered the Bots a day before, due to a practical he had been doing with his chemistry class - arrogantly led the way and we followed (somewhat reluctantly). We decided to attach our posteriors to a patch of grass after having wandered around aimlessly like Moses in search of the Promised land. The Promised land was damp, but accomodating. Comfortably supporting my girl's head on my chest, I reached over to a white Pick 'n Pay packet laying on the floor with its contents sprawled all over the place. I grabbed a biscuit. Bite. So these are the Bot gardens, I thought. Chew. They look so green. Chew. Too green... like the amazons. Swallow. Very spacious. Bite. I observed a trail leading into what I believed was Survivor territory at the time. Chew. I wasn't keen on finding out. Chew. I reached for another biscuit. It wasn't bad I suppose. I could get used to it - lazing around on semi-dry land with friends and food like shepherds at a braai (assuming shepherds don't mind sacrificing some livestock in the name of festivities and all things good). Swallow. Half an hour into it I decided I was bored (and I had run out of biscuits). How depressing! A few rather exposed legs scrambled after an orange ball; some hairy chests were stealing the spotlight from the trees; ice-cream melted in a neglected container; soft drinks soaked the ground; trees hid the sun; and the dirt befriended my feet... Home time.

Vegetarians, Vegans, Liars & Murderers

by Shelile Gino Shelile

Vegetarians have always maintained that abstinence from meat is somehow beneficial to both human health and the preservation of the earth. According to them, vegetarianism is better than the best life insurance policy out there.

Asked about their love for chocolates, dairy products and the fur and leather clothing they adorn their wardrobes with, the smartest ones reply: "The main problem is killing an animal for its meat." But isn't that how human beings were biologically designed - as omnivores? Had we been herbivores, we would also have three stomachs like a cow and special enzymes to extract nutrients from greens and dead leaves. A scientific approach argues that the human digestive system cannot process grass, seeds and certain nuts. In addition, the human brain requires particular proteins and fatty acids from meats to ensure it develops fully and is able to function at its optimum. Also, it has been suggested that vegans and vegetarians are slightly more aggressive than people who consume meat. They are more likely to engage in violent protests and involove themselves in militant activities. American writer and journalist, Ernest Hemingway, once stated: "those people who identify themselves with animals...are capable of greater cruelty towards human beings than those who do not readily identify themselves with animals." Is it no wonder then that Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian?

O(h) bama!

by Shelile Gino Shelile





tweet: U.S. President gets Nobel Peace Prize for giving convincing speeches...




Barack Obama wins a Nobel Peace Prize last Saturday and he has only been president of the United States of America for barely a year. Question: what the hell for?


Like Adekeye Adebajo (mail&guardian October 16) said in his article, "the prize was awarded to him more for aspirational rhetoric than for concrete accomplishments." Obama hasn't done anything outstanding except being black and leading a country. Mandela did that too - after he had been imprisoned for 27 years!


Obama is a great man, no doubt. However, is it really wise to bestow him with such a prestigious award just months after he has been elected into the White House? Agreeing with Peter Richardson of Sunshine Coast Daily (October 19), the award was a bit premature, even if it had been based on his presidential acceptance speech which fired hope into the hearts of all Americans (along with the rest of the world). I figured people received such awards in recognition of their achievements rather than their ambitions. In the words of Schmuley Boteach (columns.jpost.com October 13): "Peace is not simply a great speech, and universal harmony is not merely a collection of words."


Save the Nobel Peace Prize until Obama ends all war; prevents Africa from starving; puts an end to global warming and single-handedly finds the cure to AIDS...you know, something important like that. After all, according to popular belief, Obama is the new superman and the fate of the world now rests in his hands.

6-year-old Raped by Family Friend

by Shelile Gino Shelile






"A 20-year-old man was recently sentenced to 20 years' imprisonment for raping a six-year-old girl.
The victim had been sleeping next to a relative in her home in Clewer on April 25 last year when the man sneaked into their house. He made his way to the victim's room where he woke her up.
"He undressed me and took off my panties," the victim said. "Then he threatened to beat me up if I made any noise." He raped the child, paying no attention to her cries of pain. The light shining in from the living room enabled the victim to identify her rapist as Sibusisio Charles Mbokane - a family friend who occasionally spent time at their house. Mbokane is reported to have been doing Grade 10 at Leonard Ntshantsha School in Clewer at the time."

[Shelile, G. Witbank News, September 11]

Well, the guy was 20years old when he was doing Grade 10. That alone is enough to worry me, but to actually go after a 6-year-old...that is just sinful on so many levels! Firstly, unless you are a paedophile, you are not meant to be looking at any girl who is younger than 16. Secondly, the fact that you broke into their house at some odd hours of the night is reason enough for you to be hanged in some countries. Most importantly, instead of just perving over little girls you actually went ahead and just about destroyed her life in her very own home! That is UNFORGIVABLE!!

I have no words for you...actually I do, but I do not want to risk my religion by cursing you and damning you to hell. You are filthy my friendly, filthy. 20years in prison will never be enough punishment for what you did to that girl...luckily for you my friend, the death penalty is not an option in this country.

NEVER TOO OLD

By Shelile Gino Shelile

"A 51-year-old woman was on her way home when she was allegedly kidnapped and raped.
The woman boarded a taxi to Lynville (Witbank) from town late Sunday afternoon, September 6.The complainant claims that the taxi driver dropped the other passengers off before continuing to drive off in an unfamiliar direction. As they approached the old Ogies road, the driver pulled over into a veldt area where he parked his vehicle behind dense bush. Oblivious to the woman's agitations, the driver then allegedly made his way to the passenger's seat and proceeded to sexually violate and rape the woman." [Shelile, G. Witbank News, September 11]

51-year-old!! What twisted, self-serving, inhumane, erectile-impulsive idiot rapes a woman who is old enough to have breast-fed all his cousins when he was a toddler? What sick satisfaction did he get from doing? Now, we all know that taxi drivers have always been known to be the less decent of citizens in a town but this is just ridiculous! I am not suggesting that all taxi drivers should start booking accomodation in hell because that is where they all belong, there are some well-mannered cab drivers out there. It is just bastards like these that highlight the insensitivity of inconsiderate adults and make all other cab drivers look like they are the devil's cousins.
When a person boards a taxi, they are putting their trust in you that you will get them home safely. I don't know what kind of other rides you were offering, but to the cab driver who did this: grow up, develop a conscience, discover some respect and go find yourself a public toilet to relieve yourself if you have trouble attracting women!

FREAKIN' VETKOEK

By Shelile Gino Shelile







"Special vetkoek created for learners. Researchers at Vaal University of Technology (VUT) have developed a nutritionally balanced vetkoek that ends hunger and meets children's micronutrient needs. (Mail&Guardian, September 18)".



The first thing that came to mind: "they cannot be serious!" So what exactly is it that this super-vetkoek is meant to do? Increase attention span; improve concentration; increase levels of intelligence or physical fitness; reduce stress and allow for better understanding and solving of algebraic equations... No, it makes you gain weight. Unbelievable!



"Dr Jeanette Kearney [senior lecturer at VUT and researcher] said the results showed that the mean energy intake of the children, as well as their weight, height and body mass index, increased after they ate the vetkoek daily for seven months." I always assumed that any person would increase their weight after eating any vetkoek daily for seven months. Infact, I would be rather shocked if they didn't. As for the increase in height, is there irrevocable scientific proof that over-greased balls of dough make an individual taller after regular consumption?



I am all for nutrition and I admire the efforts of VUT researchers to combat malnutrition in schools in an attempt to improve learning among pupils. However, could the journalist who wrote the article (and conveniently forgot to put his name on it) at least tried to have put the story across as a serious matter rather than a ridiculous spread on ill-shaped koeksisters.



"The vetkoek had a positive effect on hungry, malnourished children." Any food has a positive effect on a hungry anybody - do not idolize the vetkoek!

WHY J0URNALISM?

By Shelile Gino Shelile








So here's the thing, i'm very restless by nature - I cannot stand being in the same place, doing the same thing for too long. Hence, I need change. Journal!sm? Journalism is the portal to change - it is the pathway that allows an individual to go everywhere, do everything and meet everyone! Pretty appealing, huh? I thought as much. You don't really need any influences to inspire this decision - just watch TV, listen to the radio and work at a newspaper agency for a week. I guarantee you will love it. You get to travel the world for free dammit! What is there not to like about that?



On a more serious note, yes journal!sm is about serving the people; giving a voice to the under-dogs; busting corrupt officials and exposing the high levels of stupidity that science has proven to be evident in celebrities. However, we cannot deny that there is more to journal!sm than being a governmental mouth-piece. Reasons that are more personal... more selfish.



Ask any first-year or matriculant wishing to pursue a career in journalism why they want to get into this profession and most of them will give a blank stare before uttering, "Well... I can't really put it to words. It's just that... I want to, to, to kinda. You know journal!sm has always been my passion..."



Now ask them where they want to be in a few years time and they will excitedly scream about touring the world; having their own shows; being editors of glossy magazines; dodging bullets in war-ridden countries; adopting African babies; having their names all over the show and becoming like the very celebrities that they are meant to be writing about!



Journal!sm, to most students, is not a career. It is a stepping stone to reaching bigger dreams and the tool that enables them to make all the necessary contacts to reach the top... quickly.



There is nothing wrong with this notion, don't get me wrong. I, personally, am a firm believer in it.



Which is why I often fail to understand what answer people expect us to give them when we are asked why we do journal!sm. It is not like becoming a chartered accountant, medical practitioner, lawyer or pharmacist that is guaranteed employment and a steady salary by the time they graduate. In journal!sm, you have to flippen know your stuff and be on top of your game just to end up writing lousy columns such as 'Agony Aunt' in an attempt to hold down a stable job.



However, for those of us mavericks who live off risks and whose hearts have become accustomed to functioning on panic mode, journal!sm is a ticket to the best ride of your life!

Semenya-Mania

By Shelile Gino Shelile





It saddens me to see how hysterical South Africa can go over the sexual orientation of a gold-medalist.




Does it really matter whether Caster Semenya takes a piss standing up or sitting down?




According to the Mail&Guardian (Friday 18, September 2009), Leonard Chuene - president of Athletics South Africa - knew about the ambiguity of Semenya's sexuality but decided to allow her to participate at the games in Berlin. Stupid? Not really. Short-sighted? Definately! How the hell does Chuene go about sending an athlete to an international competition without considering the fact that gender-tests may be conducted on her if her femininity is dubious? Then, he has the bright idea of denying that he ever knew anything of Semenya's ambiguous sexuality?




Worse than this, you have South Africans protesting and claiming that gender-tests were only conducted on Semenya because she is a black. Really now, as if you cannot see the mountain-like structure of her shoulders (not to mention an abdominal section that would intimidate even the fittest of men)!




What really got to me, however, is the fact that the very same issue of Mail&Guardian published two stories on inter-sexed indidivuals and tried unsuccessfully to relate them to Semenya. The stories are about individuals somewhere, in some badly named towns in Africa who grew up as girls and realised all of a sudden, after a number of years, that they had a penis - as if you don't notice when you have an extra leg dangling between your thighs that occassionaly stands erect in defiance of the law of gravity and other physics. Great detail is given about the hardships and suffering that these 'inter-sexed individuals' (because the word hermaphrodite isn't appropriate anymore) experienced whilst growing up and how they are now happy that they can finally be accepted as real men because their vaginas have been zipped up blah blah blah...




Question: what on earth does that have to do with Semenya?! The woman is a female, get over it. She doesn't have the extra niggly bits that Lady Gaga is rumoured to have.




Her victory at Berlin has been over-looked by unmotivated accusations and even crazier justifications for them. Yes, there is no denying that the girl looks like a man, but that should not be what South Africa is focusing on. At the end of the day, Semenya is a winner - boyish or not.