SWOT (Simply WorkinG Over-Time) Week

by Shelile Gino Shelile

Going through my twitter profile one night I happened to stumble upon a friend's tweet. It read: "Notice how DYING is conveniently put at the end of studying?"

Needless to say I died from laughing. Now we all know that June is exam period but I don't know if I am the only one who gets the sense that as Rhodents, so much more is expected of us then - let's say - Fort Hare University #NoDisrespect.

Some say that Rhodes University forms the Ivy League in South Africa... I say, Rhodes should relax itself. I have not seen so many people lose their DP's in my entire three years at Rhodes as I have in this past month alone. The commerce faculty is the worst! How many accounting students still have their DP's (wondering out loud)?

Of course, none of this is said to scare the first years off. I am sure they are all already aware that any friends made this year may not be around next year... or ever. Looking at the group of peers I share my meals with at the dining hall today - not a single one of them is someone I can say I knew in first year. Not one! And, naturally, there are those who survive and make the cut, and live to smoke another joint at the Bots the following year, and those are the ones who we can pretty much say are going to complete their degree at Rhodes. Lucky them!

There are five reasons that some students do not return to Rhodes. I have coined these the BIG 5 - and they are (in no particular order):

1) MIP: knows as Minimum Initial Payment or Mommy Isn'tgonna Pay.

2)Exclusion: because you were just that extra bit unambitious about life.

3)Transfer: you didn't really want to be here but Rhodes always replies first so this is where you ended up, but luckily for you, you can move to another place at the end of the year.

4)Belonging: you weren't exactly making enough friends around these parts of the country.

5)Racism: because Rhodes needs to balance out its colouring. And, that's why - if you're black - all your neighbours in res are white, and vice versa.

In summary, SWOT Week is just a period set aside during the course of the second term for students to find themselves... just in case, this studying at Rhodes thing doesn't work out. No need to fear though. There are plenty of employment opportunities outside of Rhodes University. The most profitable would be to start a potato farm and supply the staple diet that feeds every single Rhodent in res no matter how many times they change their meals on ROSS. Gotta love your starch! Secondly, would be the very romantic activity of walking around with your hands cupped and screaming "ah buddha" to anyone who looks like they might be coming from the other side of the Arch, and hoping they will toss a few pieces of silver in your direction.

Having failed all the above, invest in two healthy looking donkeys and some white face paint and get ready for the festival, when you will start your own Grahamstown travelling agency - the white face paint is for standing around corners and acting dodge until some white tourists mistake you for a mime (and GIVE YOU MONEY!!)... you see how all this is working out?

After reading this, I hope you realise that all a degree is, is a piece of paper with an out-dated stamp and a signature from an Indian who managed to stay away from Durban long enough to become Vice-Chancellor of this most prestigious institution. And by the way, does anyone know what the real Chancellor looks like?

Osama Dies...Then The World Ends

By Shelile Gino Shelile







The Americans are out to ruin life as we know it. Firstly, they kill what was arGuably the Greatest mastermind of our Generation, and then, some lonely Christian prophesies today to be the end of the world.

The internet is awash with rumours of May 21, 2011 beinG JudGement Day. AlleGedly, today is the day when God will come down from the heavens to separate the Good from the bad and ascend back to his kinGdom with his loyal lambs while the rest of us remain on earth to face the rapture that will destroy the world in October.

It is past the hour predicted for this incident to happen and yet I am still alive. Am I really that bad a person? Because I am thinkinG that the only reason all of us are still alive is because God found fault in every sinGle one of us, and took only His Roman catholics with Him when he came to see us earlier. Well that is accordinG to the "Gospel" that is beinG preached by Californian preacher, Harold CampinG. How could he be so silly? I mean we all know the world is GoinG to end in 2012 - the movie told us! And it is GoinG to end exactly like it did in 2000; and in 1994; and in 1988.

ReliGion aside, the talibans have lost their leader thanks to the U.S. troops. Good job boys, you manaGed to kill a person who may not have actually existed! Obama can pat himself over the back for this one. Al-Qaeda hero Osama Bin Laden's body was found beaten to death somewhere in Pakistan. We have proof of this because America Gave us the Grand sum of... one photo. "The rest would be insensitive to publish," Obama says, "we need to respect his [Osama's] people. We wouldn't want imaGes of our fallen soldiers put all over the internet." Isn't Obama just the wisest man out there?

So, there you have it. Osama is dead, and we are dyinG too... there just isn't proof. But like we have learnt from educational proGrammes such as Boondocks, "the absence of evidence; is not the evidence of absence".

The Rhodent Dream

by Shelile Gino Shelile




The Rhodent Dream is the sum of well-reviewed ideologies and social constructs intrinsically weaved together in a meticulous manner to create a desirable lifestyle that encourages getting sloshed, hammered, motherless, stoned and tanked.


Rhodes is a haven for the inebriated. An asylum for all who seek refuge from the stresses of academia in an environment where sobriety and discipline are detrimental to one's social standing.

In a world where Deans of students have awareness weeks about activities that they themselves do not engage in and where 'exceptionally happy' people are issued with subpoenas for having experienced euphoria beyond the legal boundaries, one cannot help but ponder the central balance between intoxication and qualification. Drink or Degree. One of the greatest philosophical debates of the past century (since 1906, the establishment of Rhodes).

Rhodes University, Grahamstown, is notorious for being the drinking capital of South African universities per ratio of students to the amount of alcohol consumption per living area. Mega-structures such as The Rat and Parrot and other established recreational facilities like Equilibrium, Friar Tuck's and Slip Stream Sports bar are partially to blame for this ethanol-induced pandemic.

Solution? Drink less.

As appealing as it is to develop acute-amnesia three times a week from going out, it is probably not as rewarding as getting a qualification. And then, who knows, perhaps you can finally start paying for your own drinks.

On average, the degrees of most students require a period of four years. Four fundamental and essential years of our lives which will determine whether or not we achieve the dreams we set out for ourselves. Future careers, potential families and the employment sector of the country is dependant on the decisions we make today.

ACADEMICS. That is the primary reason we are ALL here.

S#*@! That's Too Sweet!

by Shelile Gino Shelile








Login onto the SugarHoneyIceTea blog space, the first thing that hit me was the design of the page. I had not read a single article and already this was my favourite blog! Not to be biased or anything, but the creators of the blog knew exactly what they were doing and they did it well. The name of the blog is an acronym of the members' writing names (or profiles, rather): Sugar-Honey, Ice and Tea. Creativity unleashed. Having picked up my tongue from the floor and rearranged my jaw into position, after I dropped it at first sight of the blog, I managed to pull myself together and read some of the posts. Initial reaction: EDIT EDIT EDIT!! I understand that writers have artistic freedom, poetic licence and whatever other 'judicial' rights producers of literature are entitled to, however, that is no excuse to not spell-check your posts. Had it been an English exam, most of the contributors would have failed dismally! Moving away from the errors of grammar, I was particularly amused with the content of the posts. SugarHoneyIceTea really lives up to its name and reputation: it is 'da sh!t' (mind the German). This is Entertainment news at its best! Ice, specifically, writes with a unique style that I've termed: sweet cynicism. His posts ooze judgement, disapproval for anything not invented by himself and extreme opinion - all covered with flowery language and smothered in humour. With such characters as contributors, the blog cannot be anything but the sh!t (in a good way, of course).

Picnic @ the Bots

by Shelile Gino Shelile








So there I was feeling embarassed for thinking I was the only one who didn't have the slightest clue where the Rhodes Botanical Gardens were - after having spent almost a year at this institution. Imagine how relieved I was when my girlfriend told me she had never been there too. My friend Vuyo - who had discovered the Bots a day before, due to a practical he had been doing with his chemistry class - arrogantly led the way and we followed (somewhat reluctantly). We decided to attach our posteriors to a patch of grass after having wandered around aimlessly like Moses in search of the Promised land. The Promised land was damp, but accomodating. Comfortably supporting my girl's head on my chest, I reached over to a white Pick 'n Pay packet laying on the floor with its contents sprawled all over the place. I grabbed a biscuit. Bite. So these are the Bot gardens, I thought. Chew. They look so green. Chew. Too green... like the amazons. Swallow. Very spacious. Bite. I observed a trail leading into what I believed was Survivor territory at the time. Chew. I wasn't keen on finding out. Chew. I reached for another biscuit. It wasn't bad I suppose. I could get used to it - lazing around on semi-dry land with friends and food like shepherds at a braai (assuming shepherds don't mind sacrificing some livestock in the name of festivities and all things good). Swallow. Half an hour into it I decided I was bored (and I had run out of biscuits). How depressing! A few rather exposed legs scrambled after an orange ball; some hairy chests were stealing the spotlight from the trees; ice-cream melted in a neglected container; soft drinks soaked the ground; trees hid the sun; and the dirt befriended my feet... Home time.

Vegetarians, Vegans, Liars & Murderers

by Shelile Gino Shelile

Vegetarians have always maintained that abstinence from meat is somehow beneficial to both human health and the preservation of the earth. According to them, vegetarianism is better than the best life insurance policy out there.

Asked about their love for chocolates, dairy products and the fur and leather clothing they adorn their wardrobes with, the smartest ones reply: "The main problem is killing an animal for its meat." But isn't that how human beings were biologically designed - as omnivores? Had we been herbivores, we would also have three stomachs like a cow and special enzymes to extract nutrients from greens and dead leaves. A scientific approach argues that the human digestive system cannot process grass, seeds and certain nuts. In addition, the human brain requires particular proteins and fatty acids from meats to ensure it develops fully and is able to function at its optimum. Also, it has been suggested that vegans and vegetarians are slightly more aggressive than people who consume meat. They are more likely to engage in violent protests and involove themselves in militant activities. American writer and journalist, Ernest Hemingway, once stated: "those people who identify themselves with animals...are capable of greater cruelty towards human beings than those who do not readily identify themselves with animals." Is it no wonder then that Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian?

O(h) bama!

by Shelile Gino Shelile





tweet: U.S. President gets Nobel Peace Prize for giving convincing speeches...




Barack Obama wins a Nobel Peace Prize last Saturday and he has only been president of the United States of America for barely a year. Question: what the hell for?


Like Adekeye Adebajo (mail&guardian October 16) said in his article, "the prize was awarded to him more for aspirational rhetoric than for concrete accomplishments." Obama hasn't done anything outstanding except being black and leading a country. Mandela did that too - after he had been imprisoned for 27 years!


Obama is a great man, no doubt. However, is it really wise to bestow him with such a prestigious award just months after he has been elected into the White House? Agreeing with Peter Richardson of Sunshine Coast Daily (October 19), the award was a bit premature, even if it had been based on his presidential acceptance speech which fired hope into the hearts of all Americans (along with the rest of the world). I figured people received such awards in recognition of their achievements rather than their ambitions. In the words of Schmuley Boteach (columns.jpost.com October 13): "Peace is not simply a great speech, and universal harmony is not merely a collection of words."


Save the Nobel Peace Prize until Obama ends all war; prevents Africa from starving; puts an end to global warming and single-handedly finds the cure to AIDS...you know, something important like that. After all, according to popular belief, Obama is the new superman and the fate of the world now rests in his hands.