Going through my twitter profile one night I happened to stumble upon a friend's tweet. It read: "Notice how DYING is conveniently put at the end of studying?"
Needless to say I died from laughing. Now we all know that June is exam period but I don't know if I am the only one who gets the sense that as Rhodents, so much more is expected of us then - let's say - Fort Hare University #NoDisrespect.
Some say that Rhodes University forms the Ivy League in South Africa... I say, Rhodes should relax itself. I have not seen so many people lose their DP's in my entire three years at Rhodes as I have in this past month alone. The commerce faculty is the worst! How many accounting students still have their DP's (wondering out loud)?
Of course, none of this is said to scare the first years off. I am sure they are all already aware that any friends made this year may not be around next year... or ever. Looking at the group of peers I share my meals with at the dining hall today - not a single one of them is someone I can say I knew in first year. Not one! And, naturally, there are those who survive and make the cut, and live to smoke another joint at the Bots the following year, and those are the ones who we can pretty much say are going to complete their degree at Rhodes. Lucky them!
There are five reasons that some students do not return to Rhodes. I have coined these the BIG 5 - and they are (in no particular order):
1) MIP: knows as Minimum Initial Payment or Mommy Isn'tgonna Pay.
2)Exclusion: because you were just that extra bit unambitious about life.
3)Transfer: you didn't really want to be here but Rhodes always replies first so this is where you ended up, but luckily for you, you can move to another place at the end of the year.
4)Belonging: you weren't exactly making enough friends around these parts of the country.
5)Racism: because Rhodes needs to balance out its colouring. And, that's why - if you're black - all your neighbours in res are white, and vice versa.
In summary, SWOT Week is just a period set aside during the course of the second term for students to find themselves... just in case, this studying at Rhodes thing doesn't work out. No need to fear though. There are plenty of employment opportunities outside of Rhodes University. The most profitable would be to start a potato farm and supply the staple diet that feeds every single Rhodent in res no matter how many times they change their meals on ROSS. Gotta love your starch! Secondly, would be the very romantic activity of walking around with your hands cupped and screaming "ah buddha" to anyone who looks like they might be coming from the other side of the Arch, and hoping they will toss a few pieces of silver in your direction.
Having failed all the above, invest in two healthy looking donkeys and some white face paint and get ready for the festival, when you will start your own Grahamstown travelling agency - the white face paint is for standing around corners and acting dodge until some white tourists mistake you for a mime (and GIVE YOU MONEY!!)... you see how all this is working out?
After reading this, I hope you realise that all a degree is, is a piece of paper with an out-dated stamp and a signature from an Indian who managed to stay away from Durban long enough to become Vice-Chancellor of this most prestigious institution. And by the way, does anyone know what the real Chancellor looks like?
